A Modest Proposal:Carissa Style.
November 29th, 2007 at 6:42 pm (Uncategorized)
***Wrote this in college many, many,MANY, moons ago, and yet, demand for it’s posting has been expressed. Not to be read by those without a funny bone. In fact, those without said bone should leave this site immediately. Why are you here? Aren’t you sad? Do you need a hug? I have two good arms, honestly. Right here for ya…***
Rats: More Than Your Average Pest
As a carnivorous human, I feel I know the taste and texture of animal meat well. I know when I’m eating cow, chicken, duck, pork, venison, and even rabbit. Yet, I feel that a serious aspect of meat is being ignored from the human diet; one that could solve vermin population problems and cure hunger in underdeveloped regions.
Rats in New York and other such cities, as well as like vermin of the sort, have been known to reach sizes as large as 15 lbs. or more. Given that these creatures are so disproportionately large, they are likely to have larger amounts of edible flesh. Why not take advantage of their size and availability to feed our growing homeless and overpopulated ranks? ‘The most widely cited example of point in time estimate is the approximately 500,000 to 600,000 homeless found in shelters, eating in soup kitchens, or congregating in the streets during one week in 1988’. (Burt and Cohen, 1989) The homeless could catch their own rats, and the public at large can buy them from reputable dealers. Rats can be sold as delicacies when properly prepared. Everyone would benefit.
Naturally, there are some sanitation issues involved. Rats are not the cleanest creatures around, yet if properly cleaned and cooked, they are edible. The currently underpaid, under appreciated, shelter workers can be retrained in rat-to-food preparation. These workers, who already have the drive and determination to help the homeless and starving, as seen by their willingness to continue to work even though they are pitifully funded and paid even less, are the most likely candidates to handle the rats for sanitation purposes.
Rat meat will not only supply the homeless with food, but can also be a delightful delicacy for the privileged, when properly prepared. Due to a live rat’s scavenger tendencies, their flesh may be contaminated with various low-level toxins. These are eradicated when the rat is properly and thoroughly cleaned and cooked, yet much like the delicacy fu-gu, for those who can afford to live on the edge, the rat can be eaten raw, adding an element of danger and suspense to the meal. The best way I’ve seen rat prepared, is to serve it well done with a nicely flavored honey mustard sauce over rice. Rice is also a cheap and abundant food staple and it compliments the gamish texture of the rat rather well. Rat may eventually replace standard, “cuter” animals such as duck, venison, rabbit, quail, and others. This will undoubtedly please animal rights activists, as rats are often not seen as true animals, but as vermin to be exterminated. Why not use the rats for a logical purpose rather than dispose of the carcasses by dumping them in a river, burning, or burying them? (All of which will pollute the medium in which they are dumped)
In short, the solution to our homeless problem is not educating them so they have an employable skill, not to build more shelters, but to use our already available resources. Rats, and already employed shelter workers are ripe for the exploiting in our major cities, and are not being properly taken advantage of. I would like to conclude that I would not gain personally from this endeavor, as I am not an exterminator, and have no desire to be so. This solution would not advance my life’s work in any way. All it may do for me, is rid my basement of a valuable, yet pesky, piece of meat.
