Riding Along
September 27th, 2008 at 10:18 am (Uncategorized)
“Fake it ’till you make it!”This was said to me this morning by one of my many well-meaning family members, and it infurriated me. More on that in a moment.
I understand the expression. Hell, when I was performing, improving, and dancing on a daily basis, faking it was a way of life. Didn’t know what line was comming next? Make one up within the context of the scene. Couldn’t think of the next logical progression in an improv? State a yes answer, roll with it, and move on. Body just not doing what you demand of it that day at the barre? Pretend it is, and STRETCH. Faking emotions and feelings became second…no…first nature. After spending so much of my life immersed in that world, I found that all I ended up doing was the faking. I suppose if I thought about it hard enough, I might find the origins of a few of the LVs there…
What infurriated me so much about hearing it this morning, was that what this family member was refrencing was putting on the ‘happy’ face. Faking being contented with a situation when in reality, I am anything but. I want nothing more than to rail, and scream and raise holy hell concerning said prediciment; yet social constraints, moral obligations, and yes, even my own conflicting feelings keep me from doing so. However, I do feel that I am allowed to NOT be happy once in a while. I am allowed to lean on those who are safe to me, and be weak, and girlie, and not be in a good mood. Even ‘the life of the party’ has to call a cab and go home at some point.
Carissa the Passenger
