Little Voices in My Head

So, this has been a rather complex week hasn’t it?

Interesting sho ain’t the word I’d be usin here, girlie.

Hm. Good point. Complex? Involved? Discombobulated? Are those better?

How bout fucked the fuck up? That ass shouldn’t have said those things and make you question your sanity and some shit.

Leroy! My God! Must you swear so?

When the shoe fits, I say take a fuckin walk.

Leroy, Yenta, chill. I’ll tell them about what he said. Get some second and thrid opinions. And the only time I question my sanity is when I’m talking to all of YOU.

Hey, like, we’re not to blame ya know. You can stop…which would suck…but…

Yeah, Muff, I get it. Anyway…

I had a rather interesting email the other day from a very very very OLD flame. Flame is as close to what we were that I can manage. To put it bluntly, we were friends with benefits, or so I thought. Evidently he had other opinions on the matter. He informed me that not only was I the root of all evil to him in his relationship endeavors since then, but that I had a serious problem with men.

You mean other than that whole ‘not knowing when a guy wants more than an easy lay’ thing?

Yeah. Other than that…

You see, this…I guess Ex would be a good term, told me that my problem with men, and the reason that I couldn’t keep one after the “I love you too” part; is that I’m entirely too easy to fall in love with.

I do not understand. Is dat not good ting?

He also informed me that I’m entirely too easy to fall OUT of love with. Hince the problem.

Bullshit. OBVIOUSLY this guy still has a thing for you, and no fucking way you’re THAT good a lay. No one’s that good. Musta been something else.

I don’t know Leroy. His theory has credence. I have heard “I love you” from so many lips now it’s becoming nothing but another lying phrase to me. It’s too easy to walk away after uttering it to me for most men.

Bubbie, you don’t really believe dat do you?

Yes Yenta, I almost do. Granted, I know what I feel, and that is that I don’t love lightly or say that phrase easily. It takes major WORK for me to trust like that. And I never uttered it to THIS guy. I thought we were just FwB, not IN a relationship. Apparently I hurt him, and that I am sorry for…but I don’t give too much credence to his statements now. It just made me think. And we all know how dangerous me thinking is.

Oh fuck that Female. You know you’re using that as a fucking excuse to shove men in your little boxes again.

Leroy, we’re NOT going to discuss the boxes. Ever. Again.

Hey, you the one who’s fucking it up, Female, not me. And you KNOW all men don’t fit in you boxes. So suck it the fuck up, lick your wounds, and forget the asshole who said that shit.

You has got to give the angry black man some thought Bubbie, he make sense. And dose boxes, dey not very flexible. You not easy to fall out of love wit. We love you Bubbie.

Thank you Yenta, and Muffy, and Leroy, but I think this is one area where your opinion…not all that credible. So, I’ll think on it some more. Maybe get a few opinions that AREN’T coming from inside my own head.

Yeah, and maybe you’ll quit thinking about idiots who didn’t know enough to speak up when they had you, and are trying to punish you now.

Muffy?! Wow. For a bubbleheadedtwit, you’re pretty insightful at times.

I do my best.

Carissa the Perplexed.