Little Voices in My Head

My anger, as of late, has known no bounds. The little things that normally I would be able to laugh off or let slide have been annoying me in an “Oh my god if you do that ONE more time I will not be held responsible for my actions!” kind of way.  So I felt I needed to share a rather lengthy list so the uninformed can better protect themselves from my rapier sharp sarcasm.

*Gum Smackers: I have no problem with Gum CHEWERS. They are totally fine, in fact, I count myself among them. Gum Smackers are NOT. It’s not at all appropriate to hear your masticatory efforts of combining saliva with saccharine based polymers at work. Please keep the spittle in your mouth and not down the back of my neck or flying into my ear. TYVM.

*RePosters: I love Facebook and Twitter just as much as you do. I do NOT need to read yet another “Repost if you agree!”, or “Here’s a happy heartwarming story with a moral ‘lesson’ to make you feel guilty about being you” story. There’s this thing called ‘original thought’. Give it a go sometime. You might enjoy it.

*SouthernBelleFakers: Southern Belles are rare nowadays, and I’m sure, they’re worth…something…to someone…somewhere. But please, for all that is good in this world: don’t fake it if you’re not one.  Your assurances of “Oh bless your heart!” and “Southern Pride”, are annoying.

*”Ok?”ers. Ending every sentence or command (or what’s supposed to appear as a command) with a question implies a choice. You should not ask a child, “It’s bath time, OK?” because it gives them the choice of saying “NO!” very emphatically. Ending every sentence of the mundane nature such as, “I’m going to work, OK?” gives the listener the choice of defying you. Grow a pair. State what you mean and quit asking for the reassurance of an “Ok” response after every statement you make.

*Can’tBackItUpers. If you tell me ONE MORE FREAKING TIME how ‘ok’ you are with a situation, and then get mad at me for taking you at your word and actually DOING the damn thing, I’m going to scream. Loudly. In your face. For a full 30seconds at least. I have that skill and I WILL use it.

*Gossipers. If I wanted to know the intimate details of ever encounter my co-workers, friends, or family ever had, I’d ask them. Please stop telling everyone you meet every think you know about everyone else. It only makes you seem to not have any thought processes of your own to talk about. Please don’t speak to me if your only conversational material is about other peoples’ lives.

*PersonalBubblePoppers. I spent 12 years in theatre. I don’t have much of a ‘personal space bubble’, however, standing so close that your stomach touches mine, is only ok if I’m hugging/kissing/naked with you. If you’re doing none of those things: back off my oxygen.

This by no means is the end of the list, or even the tip of that iceberg; but these are the things that annoyed me the most today. Growl. I’m taking my cranky butt to bed.

Carissa the Grumpy