Little Voices in My Head

“Fake it ’till you make it!”This was said to me this morning by one of my many well-meaning family members, and it infurriated me. More on that in a moment.

The Show

Blush, mascara, concealer, powder
must apply them all so thickly
to hide the lines, the dark circles
of life
Put on the face to face the audience

Review the script
run the blocking, hit the marks in your mind
memorize the inflection of each word
get the tone and tenor-just so-
so that the crowd falls into the farce

Stitch the skirt, press the shirt
cinch the belt tight, contain the bulge
so the flaws don’t show
shove feet into shoes that leave no prints on the stage

Time to give the crowd
what they crave
Start the show again
Show them all of the you that they want to see
never never let them see
what’s behind the painted smile

Let them clap
collect the roses
bow to the “brava!”s and “bravisimo!”s

Alone in your dressing room
when the throngs have gone
may you strip bare and cry
mourn for the one you hide each day
as you give the world all they ask of you.

I Forget
For the first moments
in the morning
I forget.

I forget the tasks of the day ahead,
and the trials of the day I’ve left behind.

I remember.

So, I updated the “Dating Carissa” (for those crazy enough to attempt it) page. I was almost tempted to put up the newest addition as a general post, as it’s more of a ‘dating tips’ in general blog, but some of them are “Carissa” specific, so on the page it went!

Muffy had way too much free time, so I’m blaming her for most of it. Enjoy!

(look on the left side of the screen, scroll down to the “Pages” section. Locate the “Dating Carissa” link. Click on it. Gooooood Job!)

Why do people say stupid things they don’t really mean, but they say them because they are part of the lexicon? The statement that brought up the topic was “if you can, that’s cool, and if you can’t, that’s cool too.” I know I’ve said it, I KNOW some of you have said it, but really, do any of us MEAN it? Hell no. I wouldn’t ask you to do something if it were ‘cool’ that you couldn’t do it. Hince the asking. Other examples:

“Catch ya later”—unless I’m talking to a trout, this makes NO sense.

“I can dig it”—again, unless you are actually HOLDING A SHOVEL, this makes no sense.

“Word, yo”–what word, and why is it half of a yo-yo?

“I hear you”—of course you heard me. Last time I checked, you weren’t deaf, and I was talking. Duh.

“I like her and all, but I don’t think…”—ok, you either like the person, or you don’t. If you’re going to make a bitchy comment, tell them. I don’t want to be responsible for the fall out if I’m talking to that person, they ask me what you said, and I have to lie. I suck at it, and I refuse to do it anymore.

“Ok, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but…”—If you’re not supposed to tell me, DON”T EFFING TELL ME. See previous statement about how much I SUCK at lying! Don’t get me wrong, I can keep a secret until the day I die, but I can’t just lie to someone I care about. I will be foreced to tell them “I know, but I can’t tell you a damn thing about it”.

“It’s not you, it’s me”—this statement has never been said with a straight face. Man up, *or woman up*, admit you don’t want to be with someone, and expect them to be an adult about it and move on.

“Get off my back!”—Um, I’m 5′10″ tall. Unless you are much much MUCH larger, there is no way in hell I was EVER on your back. The sheer physics of that are improbable.

“I love *insert name or pronoun here*, but I’m not IN love with them”—ok, this one KINDA makes sense, if we’re talking about a puppy. If you’re talking about a PERSON, you either love them, and want to be with them, or you don’t. There are different types of love, yes. I don’t love mom the same way I love a man, *cuz that’s just sick* but I don’t lie about it either. I either love you, or I don’t. End of story.

“That’s such a girl/guy thing”–when did activities/movies/books/whatever suddenly get a gender? I didn’t think that in the year 2007 things would still be divided by sex. I’m not going all femminazi on ya, I think it works just as cruelly on the guys. *if you like the movie Beaches, and happen to have a penis, who CARES?*

“Sorry, I’m just…”–RELAX people. Appologies are unnecessary at the begining of a statement. If you have a good reason for your behavior, great. Tell me, and we’ll all hug and get over it. If you don’t, I’ll tell you you’re being an ass, and we’ll all hug and get over it.

So, that’s all I could think of off the top of my head, because the day is young, feel free to comment with your own “Most overused, incorrect expression”. And please, don’t give me that “You’ve said that to me before!” bullshit. I know I’m guilty of saying some of these things. I acknowledge that I may even say them again. So get off my back! *see what I did there?LOL*

Carissa

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT!! I’m not kidding folks; this one is full of graphic descriptions of a carcass and some serious cursing due to my anger. In general I had a fabulous, week-long, birthday. However, there was ONE little event that threatened to mar the bliss. Rich and I went to Union Point Park in New Bern, just to watch the birds, take some pictures, and just have fun being with each other. That part was awesome. But while there, we stumbled upon a carcass of a gull. This wouldn’t be unusual except for the fact that this carcass had obviously been there for at least a couple of days. The eye cavities were already empty, (except for a few opportunistic maggots), rigor had come and gone, and the stench was…well…I’d rather not describe that. I just ate. My anger was piqued. How could rational adults just walk by this carcass and leave it sitting there? Granted, Bird Flu isn’t as bad as most people, thanks to sensationalist media, think it is, but a carcass like that, in a public park, where children had been playing not THREE minutes before, is a health hazard. I don’t think I need to list all of the diseases that a normal, adult gull is exposed to in its daily life, let alone its death. Now, because I am a bit of an animal freak, I set about looking for a way of humanely disposing of this creature. I do happen to always carry gloves in my med kit in my car, but my car was about 300yards away. As Rich (who was a trooper putting up with my investigation, he even filmed it with his digital camera, that man just gets better and better) and I walked to the car, the bright idea came upon me that “hey, this is a dog friendly park, they have poop bags here” so I just grabbed a couple of those, wrapped my hands up, and proceeded to examine the bird. I’m hoping that by the time I post this, I will have the video available for all of you who care to see it, but until then: The bird was a female, adult gull, no obvious injuries; no signs of impact present, wings were in full flight order. So without a necropsy, I have no idea why it died. I can hazard a guess, as when I palpated the gull’s belly, it was firm in most places, except RIGHT where its stomach would be. That was a big spot of mush. Very distended. Either the gull was extraordinarily stupid and ate itself to death, *which is almost impossible*, or someone had fed that gull something it shouldn’t have been eating. Like Alka-Seltzer. Used to see birds with this type of death all the time when I volunteered at a wildlife shelter. So at this point, I am SO mad I can’t see straight. But like I said, without a necropsy, I can’t be sure, so my anger is mostly unwarranted. I placed the bird into some of the bags, wrapped up tightly, and laid it in a trash receptacle that I know was taken away the next day. (This was after sunset at this point, and the park was closing, it’s better than leaving the bird out for kids to play with) It saddened me to see that the birds that frequent the park have become so humanized that they’ll eat anything you toss up at them. They’ve become so used to being fed, that they have lost a lot of their own protective instincts. *heaving a huge sigh* I promise to climb off my soap box about it and not bring it up again, but damnit, it really pissed me off. The rest of the night was amazing, as were the rest of my birthday celebrations in general. Rich and I had a great time in NewBern on Monday after the whole “bird disposal”, and the Boys came over and we played a couple of rousing games of Scene It and Shout About Movies!. It was awesome. Tuesday I had birthday dinner with my family, and it was great spending some quality time with them. I don’t see them as often as I’d like to. Wednesday I drove my happy butt to Jacksonville to have dinner with Gwen, and we had a total blast. Thursday Chris and Heather had Rich and me over for dinner *OMG Heather can COOK!! Still loving the ziti Heather!!* And we all played Pictionary. I also had ONE too many Pina Colodas…but that’s a whole nother story! Just remember all, alcohol is truth serum, and should only be imbibed with those you love. They won’t kill you the next day. Friday morning it was back to work for me, and here I sit, at 10:17am on Saturday, just waiting on my break time when I can hook up my lappy to a Wi-Fi that isn’t secured and post to you lovely people. Yep. Happy Carissa.

 

 First Impressions of the Gull [0:45m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (27)