Balance
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:34 pm (Uncategorized)
I used to be in gymnastics. Bettcha didn’t know that about me, huh? Granted, I was 5, and my mom only enrolled me in the class so I wouldn’t be SOOOO damn shy anymore, but I digress. The bottom line is, I WAS at one time, a budding gymnast. My favorite apparatus was the balance beam. Something about walking across that little plank of wood wrapped in cotton and rawhide just thrilled me. The precision and concentration it took to just walk without falling off the damn thing appealed to me. When I finally did a cartwheel on one, I nearly lost my ever-loving, 5 year old mind! (which might explain a few things about me) Balance in almost all its’ forms has appealed to me ever sense.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naturally graceful or anything. I can still walk across a balance beam with more ease than the ‘average’ folk, and I have a grace that belies my size. I thank the daily yoga for that. For instance, in a crowded, 2 bed per room, hospital room, *and I do mean CROWDED* I can take two sets of vitals, pick up the trash, empty a Foley bag, and avoid the visitors all by twisting and contorting in ways that make patients’ heads spin, but I’m no Grace Kelly. I still trip over air sometimes when walking across flat, uncluttered, paved parking lots. (ow)
Balancing my body isn’t much of an issue for me. In fact, right now in my life, my body is more in balance than it has ever been. My weight is down, my ‘healthy’ blood levels are up, my hormones are level. So why, why on this spinning rock of a planet I call home, can’t I get my MIND to balance?! Of my forty mental tracks, there are at least 33 different emotions all running at the same damn time. Is it any wonder that I can’t keep a headache away for very long? It’s not like one track will be UBERhappy and the other UBERsad. That would balance out to a level mood. Oh no. It can’t be THAT simple in my head. The tracks all gotta pick emotions like; regret, guilt, excitement, lust, anger, love, compassion, sympathy, pain, sorrow, wonder and lots and lots of empathy. They just don’t all fit together in a symmetrical form. It doesn’t balance.
So I’m thinking I might need to clear a few out. See if I can’t find some sort of peace. Who wants to take a few of these for me? I could really use the help.
