Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naturally graceful or anything. I can still walk across a balance beam with more ease than the ‘average’ folk, and I have a grace that belies my size. I thank the daily yoga for that. For instance, in a crowded, 2 bed per room, hospital room, *and I do mean CROWDED* I can take two sets of vitals, pick up the trash, empty a Foley bag, and avoid the visitors all by twisting and contorting in ways that make patients’ heads spin, but I’m no Grace Kelly. I still trip over air sometimes when walking across flat, uncluttered, paved parking lots. (ow)

Balancing my body isn’t much of an issue for me. In fact, right now in my life, my body is more in balance than it has ever been. My weight is down, my ‘healthy’ blood levels are up, my hormones are level. So why, why on this spinning rock of a planet I call home, can’t I get my MIND to balance?! Of my forty mental tracks, there are at least 33 different emotions all running at the same damn time. Is it any wonder that I can’t keep a headache away for very long? It’s not like one track will be UBERhappy and the other UBERsad. That would balance out to a level mood. Oh no. It can’t be THAT simple in my head. The tracks all gotta pick emotions like; regret, guilt, excitement, lust, anger, love, compassion, sympathy, pain, sorrow, wonder and lots and lots of empathy. They just don’t all fit together in a symmetrical form. It doesn’t balance.

So I’m thinking I might need to clear a few out. See if I can’t find some sort of peace. Who wants to take a few of these for me? I could really use the help.

I forget my failures
and my downfalls.

Those first rays of sunshine
are so sweet, so pure
I can look at them without regret
Because I forget.

I forget that I’m broken.

Just a shell.

I forget the disorders that plague me.
And that I will never…be normal.

I forget.

I forget in those first moments of waking
So hold me tight during the night
My darling
Love me
through the rest of the day
Because after those precious, fleeting moments,