Little Voices in My Head

I was going through some old documents of mine on a REALLY old PC hardrive, and stumbeled across this gem of a conversation I had with Mike. Mike is a friend from my ECU days. Mike is an awesome dude, and this convo took place late one night over AIM when I couldn’t sleep and Mike was kind enough to indulge me with a bit of a story. The people mentioned do exist, but their personality traits are completely exaggerated. The misspelling of my name is deliberate and a pun on the way my old roommate used to say it when she was drunk. She tended to drop syllables here and there. *rolling eyes* Enjoy!
firefingers10: Sup hommie?
Unshun2001: Hey, girl
firefingers10: How you livin?
Unshun2001: What you up to?
firefingers10: I’m bored as hell.
Unshun2001:I’m livin’ aight for now
firefingers10: LOL
firefingers10: I need to be asleep, but I’m not.
firefingers10: Tell me a bedtime story?
Unshun2001: What kind of a story are you up for?
firefingers10: A good one with a happy ending.
Unshun2001: ONCE UPON A TIME
Unshun2001: There was a special planet where it was nice and sunny year-round
Unshun2001: people were nice to each other, and drinks were always on the house
firefingers10: OOo this is going to be good, I can tell.
Unshun2001:This place was called Goodland, and all of its inhabitants were Goody products
Unshun2001: like combs and other randomness
Unshun2001: And they were happy in their plastic existence
firefingers10: oooo plastic@!
Unshun2001: but one day….
Unshun2001: they noticed that the part of their race that was chipping its teeth and losing its caps was not being replenished
Unshun2001: Not to mention, drinks weren’t free anymore
Unshun2001: the Goodies had no idea what was going on, so they called a town meeting
Unshun2001:Chief Masta “G” decided that it would be necessary to investigate further
Unshun2001: two of the bravest Goodies were selected to travel to planet Earth to see what was going wrong with Goody production
firefingers10: ooooo hope it turns out alright!
Unshun2001: these two…
Unshun2001: none other than Fred Bowen and Cap
firefingers10: Fred and Cap!
firefingers10: Heroes!~!!!!
Unshun2001:Fred Bowen with an amazing gumby-like power to flail every which way and confuse people with his slow, drawn-out rhetoric
Unshun2001:Cap, with the ability to blend in with weasils and scare the living shit out of people
Unshun2001: and sometimes, do both… at the same time!!!!
firefingers10: wow….
Unshun2001: They hopped aboard their plastic craft and headed off
Unshun2001: Years later, they were unfrozen
Unshun2001:they pulled a time freeze biatch like Sigourney Weaver did in Alien
firefingers10: I love that movie!
firefingers10: Wow!
Unshun2001: Only the most special person ever could thaw them out…
Unshun2001:Car’ssA
Unshun2001: So she went with her assistant, Jesus Brian
firefingers10: Awwww!~ I’m in the story!
firefingers10: Fluffy!
Unshun2001:Since she had the powers of Burger King at her disposal, she decided that the tradtional thaw wasn’t happening
Unshun2001: and instead… deep fried and microwaved those pieces
firefingers10: Wow.
firefingers10: c’rissA rocks.
Unshun2001:The Goodies told Car’ssA of the troubles on their planet, and suddenly she realized why her goldie locks that kept her warm in winter had been extra Bob-Marleyish
Unshun2001: NO NEW COMBS…
Unshun2001: Well, that wasn’t about to happen
Unshun2001:nosireeBOB!!!
firefingers10: no way!
Unshun2001: Jesus Brian agreed, because, well, that’s usually what he does
firefingers10: Good sidekick.
Unshun2001: They darted straight for the Goody factories
Unshun2001: Landing at the most sophisticated, they immediately began questioning the Harlem residents
firefingers10: ooo natives!~
Unshun2001: They began explaining that they had been running the rich white man’s America for years and years without respect or raises
Unshun2001: so they just decided to go postal
firefingers10: oooo tension mounting!
Unshun2001: Fred Bowen got them all around him on a carpet, kind of like in Death to Smoochy, to tell them a helpful story
Unshun2001: He began in citing Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance
Unshun2001:his tale was long, arduous, and full of big words and dirtay south attitude
firefingers10: ooooo story time with Fred!
Unshun2001: he explained that it was wrong that these atrocities had occurred
Unshun2001:but that once upon a time, Car’ssA wouldn’t date him, and so… life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to
firefingers10: awww….
Unshun2001: The Harlem peeps didn’t really get it on the first time around
Unshun2001: then Fred decided to entertain them
Unshun2001: He told them a story of a time when he worked with Front Porch Productions and all of them gathered weekly in an attempt to create an awesome show
firefingers10: oooo he’s showing iniciative!
Unshun2001:about high school proms, virgin sluts, omniscient black guys, and all that shiat
Unshun2001: and how he was going to write the script based on all the others’ ideas
Unshun2001: but in the shadows of the room, Cap was growing weary
Unshun2001: and he was thinking it was time to unleash the fury and straight up bust some aspirin
firefingers10: asprin!
Unshun2001: So he went straight psycho on the mothers and made them take his advanced acting classes
firefingers10: ooooo the nemisis of all students!
Unshun2001:Several months later, the Harlemites knew the meaning of pain
Unshun2001: and they knew that life wasn’t fair, and that not all people were there to help them out
Unshun2001: their hearts grew three times that day
Unshun2001: though I don’t know why.
firefingers10: wow, growing body parts!
Unshun2001: So they figured out that someone would always be there to do that job, but if it made them miserable, then they needed to find a new job
Unshun2001: so maybe all the problems of the world weren’t fixed, but it was a start
Unshun2001: maybe the white man will taste boot one day
Unshun2001: but we don’t know
Unshun2001: and in fact, the Goodies don’t mind much
firefingers10: Ooo what happened to the Goodies home world?
Unshun2001:because the drinks were never free again on Goodyland again
Unshun2001: but they got something a lot better than free drinks
firefingers10: ooo ooo ooo what?
Unshun2001: production went up 40%
Unshun2001:and on top of that, they got to take Car’ssA back home with them, and that is the most joyous thing of all
Unshun2001: as a matter of fact, they all agree, it’s better than sex.
firefingers10: LOL I love this story!
Unshun2001: And I suppose you’re wondering what happened to Fred Bowen….
firefingers10: Did he ever get over not dating Car’ssA?
Unshun2001: Well, just as they were about to return home, Fred decided that maybe he didn’t fit in… he was still bitter
Unshun2001: he thought that maybe he needed a new home altogether
Unshun2001:but he never did find out where Gumby lived
firefingers10: Gumbe eloped with pokey, DUH.
Unshun2001:but… he was sitting on the shore one day, reminiscing, thinking about shizznit, meditating, daydreaming, and stuff like that
Unshun2001: and all of a sudden, King Triton came out of the water and turned him into a Mermaid
Unshun2001: and wouldn’t you know
Unshun2001:that lucky muthafucka got to chill out UNDA THE SEA for the rest of his days, and it was beautiful
firefingers10: awww…fins!
Unshun2001: and, oh yeah…
Unshun2001: he got to hit on Ariel
Unshun2001: WHO WOULDN’T WANT A PIECE OF THAT
firefingers10: That’s one tasty fishy bitch. I must agree.
Unshun2001: So all in all, everything worked out, and everyone lived fairly happily
firefingers10: That rocks.
firefingers10: Nice story!
firefingers10: You soooo should write that shit down.
firefingers10: I’m going to have to save this convo.

This monologue was written and performed by yours truly in my senior year of High School. Yes, you read that correctly. Hence the title. Everyone squeeze in the “Way-Back” machine, and no pinching your sister, or so help me god, I’ll turn this bus RIGHT back around!

The assignment was to write an updated take on one of Chaucer’s tales. I chose the viewpoint of a heroin addict, as it was something I had a…unique perspective on at the time. (Breathe, Mom. BREATHE!) I dressed in some ratty jeans, combat boots, an old jacket of my dad’s that I rolled in the mud, rubbed lard in my shoulder-length hair, and applied some really nasty track marks to my arms with some very improvised make-up. I went all out on the make-up on my face too. Sunken cheeks and eyes, pale skin, the WORKS. I scared the bejesus out of my first three teachers. (Did I mention I wore this costume all day, and that this class wasn’t until my last period of the day? *evil evil grin*)

My friends from that class have since asked what happened to that piece of work, and I was rummaging in my theatre trunk the other day, and whaddya know, I kept it. Thank god one of my little voices is a tad bit obsessive compulsive. 

Addiction 

I’m not the kind of person you’d expect
to have arms filled with tracks.
My hair, once full and envied
now flat and dirty
My body aches, my head pounds
I see the pretty, pretty sounds!

My parents? Gone when I was 10.
Me a baby chickie, no mother hen.
Pain in my heart, pain in my head,
I’d do anything to keep the pain dead.

DON’T MESS WITH MY STASH!
Man…I need some cash…
Sell you a shiny trinket for some cash!
I just need enough cash, make my flow last.

Cuz you gotta keep that high going
keep it going strong.
That high always fades before too long.
Gotta get more gotta get more gotta get more
Don’t touch me! I ain’t your whore!

So what man, if my eyes are dull?
So what if they’ve sunken into my skull?
Who cares that I’m pale?

Maybe, maybe I’ll find an apple core in that garbage over there.
Yeah, the sugar keeps the Dragon in longer.
And the Dragon, he keeps away the hunger.

See, kids like me, we were “custody of the state”
Ya ask me, they were too little, too late.
See, the Dragon Keeper had done seen my Momma, and me.
He said, “I’ll ease your pain, for a fee. Give me your locket. That shiny bobble.
And I’ll show you love only my Dragon can give you.”
After that, using was nothing but that same old thing.

I started buying. Then mixing. Then selling on my own.
I sell to everyone. Don’t know who I’ll sell to next.
Pimps, whores, teachers, cabbies, preachers, doctors.
Hell, one day, a man who works for the MAYOR of our town,
says the Mayor have a great big frown.
So I sold him a big fat Dragon,
Keep him company.

Look at me, got the Mayor’s money.
Where will I go next?
Shit, who knows?
But for sure, you can find me and my Dragon,

Ridin’ the flow.